Analyse your musical development and creativity with reference to identity
Music has always been a huge part of my life; to me, music is an outlet of stress, a way to understand my emotions and a driving force of faith that keeps my hopes and dreams alive. A true indication of my music is a combination of all the things that make me the person I am today. In this essay, I will be analysing what makes me passionate about singing and how my identity has influenced the genre of music I listen to and resonate with.
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My late Grandparents were my whole world they encouraged me to sing and dance which transformed my world, I will be forever grateful for the musicality they taught me and the pureness of their hearts. They showed me what love was to me they are music. When I hear harmonies it’s their voices supporting me when I feel the baseline it is their arms holding me and the drums are their heartbeats of hope. My Grandad was a DJ and My Nan was an amazing singer, she would always be singing and dancing with me.My upbringing heavily influences the music I make today because of the passion it has always brought me. When I was younger I would sing very shyly, I was reserved and timid. All of the interactions were group based which meant I could easily fade into the background and be invisible. In my early life, I listened to a lot of pop music, I would watch music videos on MTV and other music channels and mimic their dancing and singing styles.
My singing forte is power ballads, anthems and songs with a meaningful story that takes you on a journey of emotions with an element of resolution, satisfaction and reflection of deep love or sadness. I sing in many different styles. The music I make depends on my feelings, when I am in a bad mood I go for songs with a rock edge, if I am happy I will turn to dance music and 90’s Rnb for a dose of nostalgia. If I feel heartbroken I write soul Rnb with heavy Motown and jazz references, heavy harmonies and the use of scatting with repetitive chord progressions and baselines. I am a soul singer because when I sing you can hear the struggle and depth within my voice. Soul is the key word that defines the cry out of pain and grief the singer portrays through their voice in songs. (E Avci, 2021, p173) This comes from years of practice and the self-expression of inner conflict I have faced.
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My early life was challenging to say the least. I was raised by a young, single mother on a council estate in East London. Money was always tight, despite my mother working part-time as a waitress, she was heavily reliant on the government's support due to her mental health issues. The struggle was always prominent in my childhood nothing ever came easy to us.
This was a common occurrence, I soon learnt would follow me through all aspects of my life. When I sing I feel as though the whole world stops and as if I am caught in a moment of euphoria experiencing a natural high that I cannot get from anything else. My worries melt away and everything feels possible. I feel powerful, I feel seen and I feel worthy.
I started taking singing lessons in primary school. This is when I started engaging in more music-focused activities. The first genres I became accustomed to in my sessions were country, pop and songs from musicals. As I got older I moved more towards R&b, soul, power ballads and gospel music. I was always singing in festivals, competing in competitions with other schools and performing in school productions. Outside of school, I focused more on my solo singing, performing in plays, talent shows and collaborating with other creatives, such as rappers, singers, poets, and dancers. Primary school life was tough, I was misunderstood. Throughout my schooling journey, I never did much work, I would just sit and stare into space. “I never worked hard when I was young, I didn’t do any work...until I found music I kind of just flew with it” (E.Sheeren,2018) I missed out on a lot of my early years due to the unpredictable nature of my mother’s schizophrenia. Because of this I never responded to reading, writing and learning in general, I feel the schooling system failed me. They never investigated my home life. However, when I went to secondary school, they really paid attention to my needs and welcomed my passion for music this encouraged me to want to learn and do better. Gradually they taught me how to read and write this became my new escape. Wow, what freedom I felt. I wrote down my feelings, my worries and then finally started to write poetry that later translated into songs.
I could relate to Whitney Houston her music and voice was iconic. When you say the names of her songs you can feel the tempo and hear the music (C.Davis,2013). I looked up to her as a child because she had big curly hair like me and sang with a big powerful voice. I always felt small but knew I had this huge voice inside of me I was trying to break free with. I would project my voice and reach her high notes from a young age and sing melismatic in secret. I always done this alone, away from others encase I was teased or told I wasn’t good enough, however, once my real voice was heard by others I realised, I was not just a girl who sang, I had a natural flair and talent for singing as I got more comfortable and confident within my abilities, my technic developed further and people around me noticed the growth and change in me. I started to be known as the “Singer”. I decided to become a singer because it was the only thing that truly freed me from my harsh reality and the only thing I never tried to be good at, everything just fit seamlessly.
Being mixed heritage has allowed me to explore many diverse types of foods and traditions. There were many positives to being Bangladeshi, White Scottish and Caribbean. But one of the main parts of my culture was being born in East London and embracing my Cockney roots (being born by the Bow Bells). Being a millennial was the best part of growing up, having the best of both worlds a real-life childhood, filled with board games, riding bikes and tree climbing. I spent most summers in a huge park next to my house eating Ice-cream and singing along to my walkman in a world of my own. But before I knew it, we started transitioning into the internet world towards my teen years. The early music influences during childhood were listening to Magic FM and watching the top of the pops, the anthems become my hope for a better life and the thought that through music anything was possible.When I turned 16 I had the freedom to explore London and best of all the music scene. Eventually, I started making more like-minded friends and joined other musical collectives. Not long after platforms like YouTube, Facebook and Twitter came out. I was able to network and make music connections through online platforms to showcase my talents. I became an independent artist and sang professionally for 3- 4 years until my Grandparents fell ill.
I soon stopped my music to become their career. I also had to get into a more stable working situation to help make ends meet and take away the strain their illness took on their work lives. I put my passion on hold for family and decided to work as a Special Educational Needs (SEN) Teaching Assistant, where I related to children who struggle with their learning like me when I was younger. I eventually worked my way up to teaching vocal lessons in schools with all the music experience I gained over the years. I continued to work in schools, youth clubs and music collectives, teaching children all the lessons I once learned as a former musician. I slowly forgot about my dreams to be a singer especially once I lost both my Grandparents to Cancer. They both left me within the space of 2 years. They were my everything, the only people who truly understood me. I was practically raised by them, so this hit me hard. I was empty, I just lived to survive. I was simply existing not living.
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Just when I thought things could not get worst, Covid-19 reared its ugly head. Immediately, I lost my job where I was an agency worker. I was forced to stop working after dedicating 9 years of my life to the education system. This meant being alone with my issues, thoughts and feelings. I had to face the reality that I masked by becoming a workaholic. This clear diminuendo gave me no choice but to stop; deal, listen and heal myself from the inside out. That journey of self-discovery leads me to the path I am on today. I had to be brutally honest, grieve the past, acknowledge all my troubled relationships and remember my first love, music. It was time to do something for myself and reunite my passion. Covid taught me that life is too short, It was time to dust myself off and become the first in my family to gain a degree. I want to become a fully qualified Teacher. The plan is to travel the world as a free bird teaching English and making music hand in hand.
In closing my journey at university has already unlocked parts of me that I thought had died. Producing my music has given me such sensitivity to sound and a passion for musicality. For years all I concentrated on was the vocals of a track, where I thought I was just a singer but having the tools to create my backing accompaniment feels like a superpower has been unlocked. Listening to all the instruments and components that make up a composition has given my hearing new dimensions. I know hear every element of a track from the baseline, sound effects and drum arrangements. I now re-listen to my favourite songs and sit and try to recreate all the sounds just for fun. I can't wait to develop these skills further for me right now, the sky is the limit!
Reference list:
Nine Days & Nights of Ed Sheeran (Deluxe Edition) 9 Oct 2018
Voices In The Kitchen: Soul Music and Soul Food in Nina Simone’s “give me pig foot and Ray Charles “Sweet Potato Pie”
Whitney Houston – Conversations with Whitney Houston & Clive Davis 9Aug 2013